Climbing again

It is Friday night and I’m sitting here on my sofa, having a cup of sleepy tea, and watching Grace & Frankie (again) on the TV. (Side note: I’m SO excited for Season 4 which comes out next week.) ANYWAY. I got off work this afternoon and came home and deep cleaned my living room. I tore down the Christmas tree and all the decorations. I moved all the furniture and vacuumed. I bought a lamp (also random.) All that to say, I’m super content in this spot, right this second. Which puts me in a good place to talk about something that I’m not happy about: my fitness.

A week before Christmas I messed up my back. It was AWFUL. I’m too embarrassed to say what I did, but it was a dumb thing and I’ve LEARNED MY LESSON. ANYWAY. I couldn’t bend my spine at all. I couldn’t even sit. I could only lay flat or be in terrible pain. So needless to say my workouts were not fabulous. And then I went home to my family for Christmas. And then I went to California for 2 weeks to be with my fella. My butt has not been in a gym for 3 WEEKS. It’s embarrassing. And I didn’t follow my macros over the holidays either. I wasn’t terrible, but I wasn’t perfect.

Confession: I’m absolutely terrified to step on the scale. (I’m not stepping on the scale until Monday morning, but still.).

I feel bloated and chunky and lumpy and likely 10 pounds heavier.

So that’s the bad news.

The good news? I can fix it. I can fix all of it. You know why? Because last year I learned how. I can’t tell you how much that reassures me that this is all going to be fine. This year when I’m looking at my fitness and health journey it is totally different than last year. It’s kind of like carving an ice sculpture. When you get started you have to take off a whole bunch of the bulk before you can even start to shape what you’re really trying to carve. 2017 was getting rid of the excess for me. In 2018 I get to sculpt something fantastic. Isn’t that wonderful!?

I admit, I don’t like that it feels I’m starting this year behind. But you know what? I had a great Christmas and New Years and California dreams. The rest let my back heal. I just…lived for a while. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything. Even if it does feel like I’m starting in a deficit. Whatever I’ve gained will come back off. I’ve proven I can do it.

So with that said…tomorrow I go back to the gym with my best girl. Good things to come.

TODAY I LOVE: my Filimin lantern

2018

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I colored my hair purple and blue right at the end of the year.  It’s vibrant and awesome and HELLO HERE I AM.  

What. A. Year.  I wish I could say 2017 was the most amazing year I’ve ever had, but that would be a lie.  It did have some very high points.  I did things that I’m supremely proud of, especially now.  It had some downs too…but you know what?  While those times were super crappy, I overcame and didn’t totally fall down the Black Hole of Sarah Self-Pity.  Well, at least for very long.  🙂

So…as I’m sitting here a week into 2018, I’ve been actively thinking about what I want to accomplish this year.  (I know, had I been on the ball I would have wrote this a week ago, but I’m in California with the fella right now and it’s hard to think of real life when you’re somewhat on vacation.)

I’ve got a lot of small to big goals that I want to do for the year, but I don’t really want to talk about those right now.  I just want to talk about one.  The big one.   The one that all the other small and big goals feed into.  More than anything, in 2018, I want to be PRESENT.

What does this mean?  To me it means a variety of things.  It means I want to engage the people in my life, the people I want in my life, to a much greater extent.  I need to remove distractions and make time for them.  (The reverse is also true, I need to NOT give time and presence to the people that are dragging me down and not on Team Sarah.) I need to be present and comfortable in MY skin.  Last year I lost 35lbs.  It was necessary. This year I need to focus more on refinement and learning where the contentment with my body lies.  There are a few things that I want to learn and perfect.  I need to give those hobbies my time and my focus.  I have a bad habit of letting life and circumstances control me.  Lastly, I need to be present with my emotions and actions.  I need to stop saying “sorry” for things that are not my fault, just because it’s my default mode.  If I feel a certain way its ok for me to feel it.

I have no doubt this year is going to be hard for me emotionally.  Things are happening that are just…sad.  But I really hope there are highs too.  I’m praying that I can make my own happies.  🙂

Oh, and I also hope to blog more.  But that is neither here nor there.  Ha!

TODAY I LOVE: sunny days, coastal breeze in my hair, and the smell of the trees