the first cut is the deepest

Hidey Ho, Neighbor! Can anyone name the show?

Wowza, that first week of this year was a doozy. Ok, so maybe it wasn’t officially the “first” week, but it was the first for me. What even is WORK?

This week in a nutshell: I had an eye doctor appointment, I got strep throat, and I listened to a LOT of Dolly Parton.

First things first…my eye doctor appointment. It’s no secret I was hoping for good news but maybe anticipating the worst? I’ve been seeing a surgeon for my eye since the first week of my infection. For several weeks I was seeing him every day, and then every other day, and then twice a week, and this was my first appointment in 6 weeks. He’s seen me so frequently he wanted a period of time to gauge healing. The infection has been gone officially for about 8 weeks, but the scar tissue left behind is significant. It’s hard to believe it’s been 4 months since this all happened. Since my life changed dramatically.

The results…no change. He measured the size of the scarring on my cornea and it’s identical to 6 weeks ago. The density (or thickness) is still the same. And the vision in my eye (with my glasses on – my prescription before the infection) is the same. What does that mean? Well, it’s kinda done doing anything fast for now. It *might* get a little better but we are talking years and not months or weeks. So. So, now I know what I’m dealing with.

At the end of February I have an appointment to get my vision checked again. This will help me establish what the new, stronger prescription will be in my bad eye. The hope is they will be able to try to correct the vision in my bad eye as best as they can, however, the distortion is never going to go away. The fractures, the smudges, and fog…I’m stuck with that. My right eye is never going to be *right* again. He said he will see me again in a year and we will evaluate again next steps. Oh, he also changed out my steroid drops for a lower, more long-term version. I’m still putting drops in my eye twice a day for at least the next 3 months.

I expected this news deep down, but it was still crushing to hear. This is my life now. I’ve got to figure it out. It’s my hope I’ll eventually get comfortable with driving. And really bright places. And depth perception. I miss running and I miss hiking, both of which I stopped completely because almost everything I see I have to guess where it actually is.

Sitting here now, a few days post appointment, I’m sad but I’m also a planner. I’ll figure this out. I need those contacts and then I’ll start this new thing all over again.

In other news, I was also diagnosed with strep throat this week. Not fun at all. I’m on day 4 of antibiotics and finally feeling the razor blades in my throat retreat. Happy day.

Lastly, Dolly Parton! She was the first artist I drew out of my 2020 music jar. I knew all of her “big” hits but some of there other stuff is SO GOOD. I’m going to start a playlist of my favorites from this 2020 music project. If anyone would like to follow along, message me and I’ll share it with you. In the meantime, here are some of my favorites from Dolly:

  • Here You Come Again
  • Down From Dover
  • Just Because I’m a Woman
  • Two Doors Down
  • Jolene (because of course)
  • Eagle When She Flies (the best. You’ll cry.)

Have a great week everyone!

TODAY I LOVE: lavendar

SONG OF THE DAY: “Eagle Then She Flies” by Dolly Parton

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