the key

Today I’m going to tell you all a little story about a key. Honestly, I’d meant to write about it a long time ago, but all the drama involving my eye overshadowed this tale. I probably wouldn’t be writing about it now, however, it’s been so interesting watching people get up the courage to ask me, “So what’s with the key around your neck?” It’s happening several times a week now. It made me realize I never really told anyone why.

If you’ve been reading along on this blog for any length of time you know I’ve been working so hard to correct my mental, emotional, and spiritual Sarah. It’s been a super hard process but I’m very proud of how far I’ve come. I still have a long way to go.

Back in October, on my 39th birthday, I bought myself a Giving Key. I think the Giving Key premise is so, so cool. I believe the movement was originally founded to help homelessness in LA. (I could have that wrong; don’t hold me to it.) Anyway, I bought a key with a word on it, and I wear it on a chain around my neck. I’ll keep wearing it until I feel it’s done what I need it to do in my life, and then I give it away to someone who might need it next. (At least that is how I’m going to do it.)

On my 39th birthday I decided I wanted to start some good habits instead of the bad. I want to be in a better mental space by the time I get to my 40th birthday.

Confession time. Those who know me really well, those select few, know how I think and how I react, and more deeply know how I treat myself. I am not a very nice person to me. I let negative thoughts and ugly talk take over all my thoughts. I’m never good enough, smart enough, thin enough, talented enough… the list goes on. I am a perfectionist and everything I do always needs to be better. I’m never enough. I know these are lies, but when you tell yourself the lies over and over and over and over for years on end it is hard not to believe them.

My key has the word “GRACE” imprinted on it. It is there to remind me, every second, to give as much GRACE to myself as I give others. It’s there to remind me to give myself the GRACE that God has given to me. I would never in my life say any of the things I say to myself to others. It’s cruel.

For the most part, it is doing what I need it to do. It just takes a while to correct a habit that is years in the making. But I have to try. 🙂

TODAY I LOVE: tacos. I really want a taco.
SONG OF THE DAY: “Bring My Flowers Now” by Tanya Tucker

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