tired and hungry and sore

Well, I think my title says it all. It fully encapsulates this week.

I started Phase II of my new year journey on Monday. I jumped in with both feet. Phase II included new programming at the gym (both strength and HIIT), calorie and macro guidelines based on my reading of Fat Loss Forever, and getting up early to do said gym workouts. After two weeks of the head and stomach flu, that 4:30am alarm is BRUTAL. So yeah, this week has been me on the struggle bus. BUT I HAVE DONE IT.

No cheats. I’ve stayed perfectly within my macros and calories. I haven’t missed a day of workouts. I just need to keep this up until it’s a habit and then it won’t be such a struggle. I’ve done it before and I know I can do it again.

Here are some things that are helping me this week:

  • I accidentally changed the setting on my bathroom scale to kilograms. I weigh every morning and then take an average for the week so see gain/loss. I didn’t mean to change it to kilograms but it’s been so much better for me emotionally! I’m much too lazy to remember the conversion to pounds that early in the morning so it’s awesome to weigh without all the guilt and shame of the pounds number. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? Sure, I still weigh a ton but in my mind it’s just a number when it is kilograms.
  • I’m a nerd. You know this. I created a lovely excel workbook that has all my BMR, TDEE, and macro calculations (based on the book mentioned above.) I also have calculations for all my weights and measurements so that it calculates my averages for me. I am also able to see trends.
  • You can eat a LOT of veggies for little calories.
  • I’m not always going to improve my lifts at the gym. But I’ve been complacent for far too long. I haven’t stopped working out in all this time but if I’m honest I’ve been “mailing it in.” Every day this week I’ve given myself a pep talk to challenge myself. Don’t just do it to do it; make those calories and muscles work. And it has paid off in soreness. ūüôā

I hope all of you are achieving your goals as well! One day at a time, friends. One moment at a time.

SONG OF THE DAY: “Rescue” by Lauren Daigle

TODAY I LOVE: my new pillow…makes a huge difference!

week 1: here I am

Has everyone watched the movie “Dumplin” on Netflix yet? If not, you totally should. You’ll walk away smiley AND have new appreciation for Dolly Parton. I read the book last year and loved it and couldn’t wait for the movie. I watched it with my mom and grandma over Christmas and it was nice. (The title of my post, “Here I Am” is a song from the movie.) Also…2019 HERE I AM!

So far this year started with the flu. That wasn’t really the way I was hoping to ring in a brand new year, but it is what it is. Sadly. I’m happy to report that I’m feeling loads better now. I’m also happy to report that of the goals I set for myself for the new year, most of them I’ve been able to keep up so far. Yeah, yeah, one week in but consistency has to start somewhere. I haven’t been able to work on the diet/exercise front yet. The nasty flu mentioned previously and the boyfriend being in town has pushed that back a bit. I’m all set to go on Monday, full steam.

In the meantime, I thought I’d tell you some things that are working for me and some things I’m loving right now.

  • Agenda – I kind of love this app a lot. I want to be a paper journal/planner person. I give it a try every year because paper planners are so pretty. Sadly it doesn’t take me very long to give it up because I’m just too digital. This app helps me bring my paper loving things into a digital world. I set up a bullet journal within Agenda. Works fantastic. Using this app, combined with Things 3 and Evernote…(which I’m sure could all be combined to one app to do all things but I have a system so let me be)…makes me a productive powerhouse.
  • Theraflu – My dad reminded me of this medicine this week as I’ve been sick. It helped so much! Keep it in mind if any of you peeps start feeling under the
  • An American Marriage by Tayari Jones: Read this while on vacation these last two weeks. Great read. It will draw you in.
  • Camilla Cleansing Oil – It’s no secret I’m OBSESSED with skincare. I think if I could do life over again I’d train to be an esthetician. I do a lot of reading and researching on products and methods and it has dramatically changed my skin over the last year. One of the tips I learned, that I will now never not do, is the double cleanse. BEST. THING. EVER. This cleansing oil is so luxurious for your oil cleanse that it feels like you’re having a fancy facial massage. Treat yo self.

Have a great weekend everyone!

TODAY I LOVE: The sun is shining bright out my window!
SONG OF THE DAY: “Here I Am” by Dolly Parton and Sia

2018…let it go (queue Elsa.)

I’m typing this post in the throws of a massive cold/flu/grossest junk EVER mess. ¬†Knowing that, it’s safe for me to say that 2018 can just keep on trucking right out the door. ¬†HOWEVER…this year was one I won’t forget: the good, the bad, and what’s to come…

Let’s start off with the bad and just get it out of the way. ¬†If I had to sum up the year in two words they would be stress and emotion. ¬†I had so much of both. ¬†The year started right off the bat with my first kitty baby, Callie, passing away. ¬†She lived with Ryan after we divorced but it was so sad to let her go. ¬†She was one more piece of my old life that disappeared. ¬†My ex-husband got remarried and that effected me more than I ever thought possible. ¬†It was the sense of loss all over again. ¬†I was knocked down again when I found out they are expecting a baby. ¬†I’m happy for them, I mean that sincerely, but it’s just….so weird. ¬†Onward…my cat got very, very sick (his bladder blocked and ruptured) and that was a stressful, time-consuming, and VERY costly months of recovery. ¬† I moved. ¬†It was a great move and I’m SO HAPPY I did it, but still. ¬†New place, new roommate, packing and unpacking…not fun, expensive, and stressful. ¬†Alright, now take all of that and add abnormally high work stress. ¬†Oh, and I gained back all the weight I lost in 2017. ¬†BAM! ¬†2018 in a nutshell.

If I left it at that you would think the year was total crap, right? ¬†It’s a good thing I had a lot of happies too. ¬†ūüôā

I hired a fantastic gal from Louisiana to work for me and she’s been phenomenal. ¬†With her help, we had an exceptional audit this month. ¬†I’m excited for the new projects we can tackle this coming year. ¬†I have a roommate! ¬†It’s been such a nice treat having someone to come home to and share life with everyday. ¬†We’ve went on on several girl trips this year; a hiking trip in Hot Springs, AR and a weekend jaunt to South Bend, IN and Mackinac Island, MI! ¬†I cannot tell you how much I loved Mackinac Island. ¬†It’s a must-see for anyone looking for a beautiful and unique place to visit. ¬†Lastly, one of my biggest happies, I spent 3 weeks in Kauai with my fella and his family. ¬†Whoa, what a HUGE blessing. ¬†I’m convinced there isn’t a more beautiful place on earth.

So.  2018 all wrapped up in two paragraphs.  Boiling down your year into small sentences is harder than you think.  Crazily enough, the year felt like it went that fast.  Two paragraphs worth.

What do I want for 2019? I don’t really like to do resolutions; I prefer goals. ¬†Kinda. ¬†Here are my hopes/goals for the year to come:

  • Consistency & Discipline. ¬†I let stress and emotion (see above) control a lot of my life this year. ¬†I let it control my actions. ¬†I let it control my mood. ¬†I let it control my health. ¬†I need to change that this year.
  • Intentionality with my Health. ¬†If I follow my goal above, my health will fall in line too. ¬†Diet, exercise, skincare, stress-management, and emotional well-being will all be better if I can be intentional, consistent, and disciplined with the tools I have to work with. ¬†I know what to do. ¬†I just need to do it.
  • Strengthen my faith. ¬†I don’t think I need to explain that one. ¬†ūüôā
  • Payoff at least one loan. ¬†Money is tight for me now as 2018 was a huge drain on EVERYTHING. ¬†I need to be budget focused and paying off one loan would be a great ¬†snowball for that.
  • Find my happy. ¬†Whatever that might be.
  • Beat (or at least make it to) the end of one video game. ¬†Ok, this one is silly, but still. ¬†I’ve gotta get to the end of at least one.

 

Let’s do this 2019.

really real reality

Shootout.jpg.e2ceda5e6854df2c8893abada78336abIf you’ve followed me for very long at all, I write a lot about my weight, exercise, diet, etc. ¬†I like these things. ¬†I like seeing progress and I hate admitting failure. ¬†However, like two sides to any coin you’re always going to have them both. ¬†Last year it was success upon success in my weight-loss and fitness journey. ¬†This year is a different story.

Life has happened to me in a big way this year. ¬†I was depressed for quite a long time and stressed even longer. ¬†Even so, I did the very best I could with my macro guidelines and I exercised way more than not. ¬†Still…no change. ¬†We’ve lowered calories, changed macros, changed again, added and added and added cardio…no change. ¬†I haven’t gained it all back, but I’ve gained this year. ¬†Many of my wins last year have been overturned. ¬†It’s hard not to say, “Sarah, if you just cut your calories more, you have to lost weight.” ¬†Um, yeah, no. ¬†I’ve done that. ¬†I can’t really cut anymore or my body will definitely freak out.

To say that it is defeating is the most gigantic understatement you can utter. ¬†I’m leaving for vacation in a few short weeks and this is NOT the shape I wanted to be in for it. ¬†My poor roommate has had to deal with my meltdowns this week especially as I’m trying to buy a dress for a wedding and purchase clothes for the beach.

WHY JUST WHY.

And sadly, the long and the short of it is this…we don’t know. ¬†Maybe my body is tired of dieting. ¬†Maybe my body has some weird hormone things (hello STRESS) that are hijacking all the good things I’m doing. ¬†Maybe I just need a reset and a change. ¬†Maybe I need rest. ¬†Who the hell knows.

So. ¬†Really real reality. ¬†I’m staring at my beach vacation straight in the eye. ¬†I’m many pounds heavier than I planned. ¬†In my mind it is kind of like one of those old outside-the-OK-corral standoffs. ¬†Wyatt Earp staring down his opponent (before he went crazy – important fact.) ¬†Am I going to let my perception of how I needed to be ruin my vacation? ¬† ¬†As much as it is a struggle to say – no. ¬†I’m not going to let it win.

I’m me. ¬†Despite the outside package and wrappings, I’m quite awesome. ¬† I can lift very heavy things and put them back down. ¬†I have great hair. ¬†My skincare routine is longer than some people’s showers and I love it. ¬† I can spout random music facts on a whim. ¬†I have a really awesome cat. ¬†The older I get I’m finding joy in being myself and surprising people who expect something different. ¬†I smile a lot and I like to make other people smile too. ¬†My fella loves me. ¬†I’m going to PARADISE.

When I wrap my head around all those great things, how can I let a stubborn body beat me? ¬†It is all in my PERCEPTION of me. ¬†And the great thing is…I can work on changing that. ¬†It might not change how my clothes fit or the number on the scale, but if I can find happiness in my happies until the tide turns, the coin flips, or my body decides to listen, well, that’s a big win. ¬†I’ll dip back into my college days, and all those psychology/counseling classes: ¬†I’m taking a mental picture and I’m reframing it so I see it differently.

If you’re in the same spot I am…take stock and reframe the shot. ¬†It is a by-the-minute battle, but if I can do it then you can too.

TODAY I LOVE: Peach & Lily.  I should just sign my paycheck over.

 

movie night facials

ACS_0136

Pre-Christopher Robin cries

It has been a long hot minute since I wrote last (literally hot Рsummer in Missouri is gross.)  So much has happened! George and I moved to the cool (not literally Рit is still hot) side of town!

It has really been the best thing for us. ¬†My old apartment itself was really great. ¬†It was not, however, in a great part of town. ¬†I never wanted to walk outside and everything was a drive away. ¬†Now I’m renting a house with my best friend in an old established part of town. ¬†This little gem of a neighborhood is right smack in the middle of all the good parts of my area. ¬†All the houses are older and have their own character and the trees are numerous and enormous.

It has been three weeks in the new place and I’d have to say we are developing a pretty good rhythm between me, George, and Ash. ¬†I don’t want to jinx it, but I’m LOVING it. ¬†We go to the gym every morning (same as usual) but now when we get back home we either run or walk the neighborhood. ¬†We go walking every evening. ¬†We have a Sunday night tradition of a movie and facials. ¬†Although we haven’t meant to do it intentionally, at least one night a week we cook dinner together. ¬†We seem to mesh well in knowing when each other needs some space and our equal love/need of tidiness works VERY well. ¬†And George, well, he’s adapting. ¬†ūüôā

Last night we had a girl’s night of happy hour foodies at a local artisan place and watching Christopher Robin on the big screen. ¬†Even though I know for certain I ugly cried every single time Pooh was on the screen, I thoroughly enjoyed the evening. ¬†The movie was so cute and really struck me with how much we do change when we grow up. ¬†We miss the little things.

As Pooh says, “Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.” ¬†I totally agree.

TODAY I LOVE: celery and peanut butter.  Ok, I really just love peanut butter a whole lot.

 

beauty loves: vol. 1

At the beginning of this year my dad had a LARGE sore cut out of his face that turned out to be skin cancer. ¬†They cut him from ear to chin; diagonally across the cheek. ¬†It was so scary and impacted me more than I let on. ¬†Couple that with the fact that I’m turning 38 years old in October, well, skin care is at the very forefront of my mind.

I’m not an esthetician but oh if I had it to do over I think I might have chosen that path. ¬†I’m obsessed with this stuff right now. ¬†I did quite a lot of research before I chose the path I wanted to follow with my own skin. ¬†Since April I have been strictly following the k-beauty methods.¬† K-beauty involves many steps: oil cleanse, water cleanse, exfoliator, toner, essence, serum, sheet mask, eye cream, moisturizer, sunscreen. ¬†Twice a day. ¬†You don’t do all those steps everyday, but most of them. ¬†I’ve seen such a marked difference in my face that I thought I would share some of my current beauty loves.

  • Klavuu Pearlsation Divine Pearl Cleansing Oil: One of the things from the k-beauty routine that I will NEVER stop from here on out is the oil cleanse. ¬†This takes the place of any makeup remover. ¬†The oil, which smells amazing, just melts the makeup off. ¬†It also feels like a mini-massage. ¬†And no, contrary to what you might assume, it does not cause breakouts.
  • Unseen Sunscreen: THIS STUFF ROCKS. ¬†I use it on my face, it feels like a primer, and it doesn’t leave any streaks. ¬†Do yourself a favor and buy this stuff now.
  • Egg Cream Mask Pore Tightening: I have a lot of sheet masks that I love these days. ¬†I’m having so much fun trying them out. ¬†This sheet mask, however, I’ve bought more than once. ¬†I see such a difference after using it.
  • Lala Retro Whipped Cream: I can’t give up two of my Drunk Elephant products and this is one of them. ¬†I love this moisturizer. ¬†I use it as my night cream. ¬†It’s thick and luxurious but absorbs quickly.
  • Be the Skin Non-Stimulus Face Polisher: I have sensitive skin and this exfoliator does it’s job and doesn’t disrupt my face. ¬†It’s gentle but thorough. ¬†It is one of my favorite products these days. ¬†I use it twice a week.
  • L’Occitane Almond Shower Oil: Oooooh boy. ¬†This smells delightful, creates a gentle lather, and is fantastic to shave with in the shower. ¬†You exit the shower without feeling like your skin has dried out.

I’ve got some new things coming in this week that I’ve been eagerly waiting on for months. ¬†If they are winners I’ll let you know. ¬†ūüôā

If I can give you any encouragement…take care of your skin. ¬†I’m working on improving the rest of the skin on my body now. ¬†If I had only listened to all the things my grandmother told me when I was a girl I wouldn’t have such an uphill battle now. ¬†WEAR SUNSCREEN. ¬† It doesn’t matter what treatments or fancy creams you put on your skin if you’re not wearing sunscreen.

Enjoy!

TODAY I LOVE: not wearing makeup because my skin is happy. ¬†ūüôā

everything is burning

If you’ve ever been tasked with a whole bunch of responsibilities you’ve probably developed some kind of mechanism to determine what needs to be accomplished first. ¬†I like to use the phrase, “What is the brightest burning fire?” I tackle those first.

Right at this moment it feels like everything in my life is burning. ¬†And I can’t see a way to choose what to focus on. ¬†I’m hoping by writing it out I’ll gain some perspective and find my path.

If you follow me on any social media at all then you know my cat George has been very ill for the last two weeks. ¬†We’ve been in and out of the emergency vet, my vet, and he’s been hospitalized for days. ¬†His bladder ruptured so he had to have emergency surgery. ¬†I have him home now, but that is super challenging too with his treatment. ¬†He’s taking 4 different medications that are all not at the same time. ¬† He needs IV fluids under the skin everyday. ¬†I’ve tried to do it myself the last two days and the attempts were very unsuccessful. ¬†Today I managed to stab myself in the knuckle with his IV needle so now my knuckle is swollen and bruised. ¬†His bladder and urethra are having spasms off and on due to all the trauma, so he leaks urine at times when he’s sleeping. ¬†So I’ve got every piece of furniture covered in plastic and I’m washing blankets twice a day. ¬†I’m not sleeping because I’m watching him. ¬†I haven’t been able to exercise for the last week because I’m taking him back and forth from the emergency vet to the regular vet.

The big project at work that I’ve leading/managing has ran into one delay after another. ¬†None of them have even been remotely my fault, but we are now WEEKS behind. ¬†It was supposed to ready to go-live on Monday (7/2) and we literally just received word just yesterday that I can only now start testing it. ¬†I’ll be lucky if we are ready to go by 8/1 at this point. ¬†I chose the dates for my project with intentionality because other big things follow it. ¬†I have other things in my normal day-to-day job that need to take precedence. ¬†Now I need to do it all, together. ¬†There will be many, many long days ahead with work.

Because I need one more big thing….I’m moving in 3 weeks. ¬†Guess who hasn’t even started packing up her apartment due to all of the above?

George has cost me thousands of dollars I wasn’t expecting (or prepared) to spend.

And lastly, to top it all off, because I have had all this extreme stress and I’m not keeping my body “normal” my heart condition is flaring up. ¬†So I’m dizzy and prone to passing out frequently.

So here is where I am. ¬†How do I manage it all by myself? George comes first, obviously, but how do I keep up all the treatment and such that he needs AND maintain everything I need to do with my job? ¬†I need to be the one doing my packing because I’m weeding things out as I go. ¬†What is the answer?

I’m not writing this post for sympathy or pity. ¬†I’m writing it for clarity. ¬†I need to find a path. ¬†I need to find a way to look at it that I don’t see everything burning. ¬†So. ¬†Without any doubt you can bet as I’m doing some work today that I’ll be doing my normal type-A self…trying to write a flowchart to make all this work.

TODAY I LOVE: Kacey Musgraves’ new album Golden Hour