you know what? not everyday is great.

It’s really easy to only write about happy things.  I like writing about accomplishments.  I get downright giddy sharing a life hack that helped me.  It is not fun, however, exposing the underbelly of emotion.  The emotions that bubble up and catch you unawares.  The emotions that make you crawl into yourself and hide until it’s all better.  Sadly, I’m not being a very authentic person if you only get the good side.

Yesterday was just rough.  For the first time in 3 diligent months I just did NOT care about my macros.  I did fine all day but by the time dinner rolled around I was in such a mood that pretty much said, “Screw it” and ate whatever I wanted.  (Thankfully I don’t really keep much in my apartment.)  I had cleaned my office earlier in the day and in doing so it brought up a lot of emotions and memories.  Other than a few items, I hadn’t changed anything since the divorce.  All in all, I was lonely and sad.  And apparently ate my feelings (they taste like macaroni and cheese among other things.)

Afterwards I felt like such a failure.  That is not a great place to be, nor is it at all healthy mentally.  It was one day; one meal.  Lucky for me, my best girl called me out on these unhealthy thoughts and brought me around.  These days are going to happen.  I’ve got to manage my emotions, anticipate how I need to handle things, and not revert to my old way of stress/emotion management.  Life isn’t going to be easy and these moments are going to happen again.  And that’s ok.

Today, my friend, is a new day.  And that’s ok too.

TODAY I LOVE: opening a new tube of toothpaste (it’s evenly distributed!)

 

exercise & travel

I used to think that traveling was great because that meant I didn’t have to workout.  Back in the day when I was running or training for a race, I *might* have a run just to explore a city but I NEVER sought out a gym.  However, when you’re serious about something, even if it’s just getting fit, you find a way to make it happen.

I just returned from my third trip since beginning my new health journey.  This time was different as I didn’t have access to the standard gym.  I had to use alternative means.  I would like to introduce you to The Tube.

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This is a resistance tube that comes in varying strengths and sizes.  It’s small, fits in your suitcase, and can be made into an epic torture device for a great workout.  My best friend/trainer/all around favorite person introduced me to the tube many months ago when we were traveling together.  She had brought hers along in the event our hotel had a crummy gym.

I won’t say all, but MANY of your usual strength training lifts/maneuvers can be done with this unassuming little tube.  As such, I was able to get in all my workouts and lose little ground during my trip last week.  They were great workouts!

If you want it bad enough, you’ll make things happen.  For me, I want to keep seeing the gains that I’m getting to be come a better, fitter, healthier Sarah.

Keep the tube in mind if you need some alternative ideas for fitness and travel.

TODAY I LOVE: tacos.  I just really want to eat a taco right now.

finding happy

Since the divorce and all the stuff after, feelings and emotions all seem more…real.  I don’t mean to say that when I was married I didn’t fully feel things; that’s not it.  I think because I don’t necessarily have someone with me all the time to share in a feeling or emotion, I get the full force of it.  Sometimes I wallow in it (most of the time.)  I’ve had my fair share of pity parties and dance parties.  The highs are high and the lows…well, they are really, really low.  Why is it always easier to share the highs and celebrations with other people but when you’re down you seclude yourself away, thinking you can handle it on your own?

At any rate, this year one of my goals or wishes for myself was to put a concerted effort into finding something, even if it’s something small, to be happy for every day.  It might be the tiniest things or it could be HUGE.  Today will be day 85 of my happy streak.

This exercise has shown me so much.  Some days I get to the end of the day and I think to myself, “I’ve had nothing to be happy about today.  It’s been a total crap day.”  When that happens I’ll force myself to a happier time, something that makes me all warm inside.  Or I’ll start thinking much smaller; like being thankful or happy for the warm drink in my hand or the smile my best friend gave me that morning.  It’s shown me I have so much TO be happy about.  Not all days are great, sure, but I’ve got a huge well to draw from.  It has put a halt to the extended pity parties and makes the highs last longer.

I’ll definitely be keeping up the happy streak.  Maybe you should start one too!

Be happy, my friends.

TODAY I LOVE: gummy vitamins

 

let’s talk about muscle

I had the most eye-opening realization this past week and I have to share.  I’ll be honest – the whole concept of “muscle” has really been quite foreign to me most of my life.  And what I mean by muscle is actually TRYING to attain any kind of muscle growth/definition that was outside of the typical girl “I’m just toning up” mentality.

For the last 9 weeks I’ve been marching to the beat of a different drum, attempting to get my body to repair and change in a healthy and long-term sustainable manner.  I’ll talk about exactly what I’m doing in a different post at a later time.

Periodically over the last 3 years I’ve kept weight logs and measurement logs and stored them in my journal app on my phone.  Since I’ve begun this new way of life (and stuck with it), I take my weight every day.  That’s been something I’ve had to get used to, but honestly it doesn’t freak me out or depress me as once as it once did.  And the reason why is in my “eye-opening realization.”  🙂

In addition to weighing every day, I take new measurements every month.  Last week I took my two-month measurements.  Since beginning this journey I’ve dropped 11 pounds and 16 inches (total  full body.)  The number on the scale is still awful; I’ve got loads of weight to drop, but I’m losing FAT.  I was bored this past weekend so I was reading through my journal app for old entries and such and stumbled upon one of my measurement entries.  It was when I was at my lowest weight in a while, July 2015.  I was 20lbs lighter than what I am right now.  But get this – in the measurements I was only 4 INCHES different (total).  And yes, it was all in the butt and thighs (this girl has a ghetto booty.)  Can you believe that?!  Only 4 inches.

Inconceivable!  All that stuff people tell you about muscle being heavier BUT “slimmer” is so true.  I wouldn’t have believed it if the measurements hadn’t been my own.   If nothing else this whole exercise is teaching me that the number on the scale really truly isn’t the whole picture. (Some days it’s harder to remember that than others, like when it goes up, but hey, baby steps.)

Muscle for the win!

TODAY I LOVE: the sound of the rain on the roof.  We need the rain!

back that sass up

Those of you that know me in real life know I have the weird fascination with Beyonce.  Whenever I wake up feeling super sassy; that’s Beyonce-mode.  I get out the heels, slap on the red lipstick, fluff up the hair, and LET IT GO.

Today is one of those days and I’m not really sure why.  As I was driving home from the gym this morning I started thinking about all the meetings I had today, about personal situations, and my general feeling of awesomeness after a great lifting session.  And it was like all of the sudden – BOOM.  I had instant Sarah Sass.  There are very few things that can stop me when I’m in this mood.

I’ve been assertive.  I’ve been walking with extra bounce and confidence in my step.  And, of course, singing at the top of my lungs in my car.  (And maybe in my office too but at a slightly less volume.)

I might have to dance when I get home.  Who knows.  Be Beyonce today.  It’s pretty fun.  Nothing scares people like a confident woman.  🙂

TODAY I LOVE:  people who look you in the eye when speaking to you

brand new

I’m here.  I did it.  I stopped blogging quite some time ago because life just got HARD.  Overwhelming.  Not only that, I tried to make my blog something that it wasn’t and it just added more stress than I needed.  So I’m beginning again.

The other day I tried to figure out exactly when I started blogging.  I couldn’t find a real date, but gosh, it was early 2000’s easy.  I blogged to talk about my fitness journey and to meet people.  It was really nothing more than an online journal.  I met so many wonderful people.  The people stayed but the blog changed.

It’s time to take it back to the beginning again.  Like this blog, I’m kind of starting over too.  Here in a few short months I will have been divorced for an entire year.  In a week, I’ll have lived on my own for a year.  I think this first year has really been fight-or-flight.  I’ve covered my needs.  Now I’m discovering, now that all my basic needs are met, that I’ve got some major ground work to do physically, emotionally, and spiritually within myself.  Times are a changin’.

Welcome to my new personal journal.  I’ll write about my life, how I’m dealing with it, my victories, my defeats, and a whole lot of fitness stuff.  There might not be a single person out there who reads this and honestly I’m at the point in my life that I’m ok with that.  This is for me.  And if by some lucky chance that I meet some lovely people along the way, well, that’s just bonus happies.

TODAY I LOVE: the new “Beauty and the Beast” soundtrack