Beginnings, emotions, mental health

everything ok?

Peonies in my neighborhood…so gorgeous.

Hello, friends! Did everyone have a good weekend? I certainly did. I didn’t do anything special. It was just relaxing. Who all watched the Game of Thrones finale? I might be the lone ranger in this opinion, but I liked it. I went into this last season with no preconceived ideas on how I wanted it to end. There are so many characters, so many story lines, so many subplots that have been built over the course of 10 years that it was a near impossible task to tie them all up to EVERYONE’S satisfaction. I think it ended beautifully. Even the violence in the end was graceful. (No spoilers.)

ANYWAY. Moving on.

I heard a quote this weekend that I’ve been mulling over. Here is is:

The disease to please is a form of addiction.

Any folks out there struggle with the need for approval? People pleasers? Worry constantly about what people think? Just me?

For me, I don’t need constant pats on the head, or constant words telling me (like a dog) “Sarah, you’re such a good girl! Such a good job!” My anxiety and stress comes from the constant worry of making sure everyone is ok with me. I hate telling people “no”, and worry when I do that I’ve immediately made that person upset at me. I’m forever giving up whatever I do want to do, for fear of hurting someones feelings or disappointing them. I’m positive every person who has ever texted me (about anything) has also received a text from me that says, “Everything ok?” And I usually send that solely because I hadn’t heard from them in a while and I’m worried some action I’ve done has made them upset at me.

I. WORRY. ALL. THE. TIME.

So, in this way, that quote is very accurate for me. I can’t stop.

But I need to.

It’s a hard pill to swallow thinking that there will be some people that will be disappointed in some of the decisions I make, or words that I say. But here’s the deal: do I expect this same level of care from everyone in my life? NOPE. Not even close. Things are said to me all the time, off the cuff, that hurt my feelings or make me feel little. But then I get over it and move on. People tell me no, why can’t I do the same? Why am I holding myself to such an unreachable standard?

Of all the things I’m trying to correct in my life, I need to make this a focus. It feels like I have so many irons in the fire to help my anxiety, but if I keep living and curating my actions based on the perception of others feelings, I’m never truly going to heal. This is a tough one for me.

TODAY I LOVE: the smell of peonies
SONG OF THE DAY: “Breathe Again” by Sleeping at Last (cover)

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