2018…let it go (queue Elsa.)

I’m typing this post in the throws of a massive cold/flu/grossest junk EVER mess.  Knowing that, it’s safe for me to say that 2018 can just keep on trucking right out the door.  HOWEVER…this year was one I won’t forget: the good, the bad, and what’s to come…

Let’s start off with the bad and just get it out of the way.  If I had to sum up the year in two words they would be stress and emotion.  I had so much of both.  The year started right off the bat with my first kitty baby, Callie, passing away.  She lived with Ryan after we divorced but it was so sad to let her go.  She was one more piece of my old life that disappeared.  My ex-husband got remarried and that effected me more than I ever thought possible.  It was the sense of loss all over again.  I was knocked down again when I found out they are expecting a baby.  I’m happy for them, I mean that sincerely, but it’s just….so weird.  Onward…my cat got very, very sick (his bladder blocked and ruptured) and that was a stressful, time-consuming, and VERY costly months of recovery.   I moved.  It was a great move and I’m SO HAPPY I did it, but still.  New place, new roommate, packing and unpacking…not fun, expensive, and stressful.  Alright, now take all of that and add abnormally high work stress.  Oh, and I gained back all the weight I lost in 2017.  BAM!  2018 in a nutshell.

If I left it at that you would think the year was total crap, right?  It’s a good thing I had a lot of happies too.  🙂

I hired a fantastic gal from Louisiana to work for me and she’s been phenomenal.  With her help, we had an exceptional audit this month.  I’m excited for the new projects we can tackle this coming year.  I have a roommate!  It’s been such a nice treat having someone to come home to and share life with everyday.  We’ve went on on several girl trips this year; a hiking trip in Hot Springs, AR and a weekend jaunt to South Bend, IN and Mackinac Island, MI!  I cannot tell you how much I loved Mackinac Island.  It’s a must-see for anyone looking for a beautiful and unique place to visit.  Lastly, one of my biggest happies, I spent 3 weeks in Kauai with my fella and his family.  Whoa, what a HUGE blessing.  I’m convinced there isn’t a more beautiful place on earth.

So.  2018 all wrapped up in two paragraphs.  Boiling down your year into small sentences is harder than you think.  Crazily enough, the year felt like it went that fast.  Two paragraphs worth.

What do I want for 2019? I don’t really like to do resolutions; I prefer goals.  Kinda.  Here are my hopes/goals for the year to come:

  • Consistency & Discipline.  I let stress and emotion (see above) control a lot of my life this year.  I let it control my actions.  I let it control my mood.  I let it control my health.  I need to change that this year.
  • Intentionality with my Health.  If I follow my goal above, my health will fall in line too.  Diet, exercise, skincare, stress-management, and emotional well-being will all be better if I can be intentional, consistent, and disciplined with the tools I have to work with.  I know what to do.  I just need to do it.
  • Strengthen my faith.  I don’t think I need to explain that one.  🙂
  • Payoff at least one loan.  Money is tight for me now as 2018 was a huge drain on EVERYTHING.  I need to be budget focused and paying off one loan would be a great  snowball for that.
  • Find my happy.  Whatever that might be.
  • Beat (or at least make it to) the end of one video game.  Ok, this one is silly, but still.  I’ve gotta get to the end of at least one.

 

Let’s do this 2019.

2018

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I colored my hair purple and blue right at the end of the year.  It’s vibrant and awesome and HELLO HERE I AM.  

What. A. Year.  I wish I could say 2017 was the most amazing year I’ve ever had, but that would be a lie.  It did have some very high points.  I did things that I’m supremely proud of, especially now.  It had some downs too…but you know what?  While those times were super crappy, I overcame and didn’t totally fall down the Black Hole of Sarah Self-Pity.  Well, at least for very long.  🙂

So…as I’m sitting here a week into 2018, I’ve been actively thinking about what I want to accomplish this year.  (I know, had I been on the ball I would have wrote this a week ago, but I’m in California with the fella right now and it’s hard to think of real life when you’re somewhat on vacation.)

I’ve got a lot of small to big goals that I want to do for the year, but I don’t really want to talk about those right now.  I just want to talk about one.  The big one.   The one that all the other small and big goals feed into.  More than anything, in 2018, I want to be PRESENT.

What does this mean?  To me it means a variety of things.  It means I want to engage the people in my life, the people I want in my life, to a much greater extent.  I need to remove distractions and make time for them.  (The reverse is also true, I need to NOT give time and presence to the people that are dragging me down and not on Team Sarah.) I need to be present and comfortable in MY skin.  Last year I lost 35lbs.  It was necessary. This year I need to focus more on refinement and learning where the contentment with my body lies.  There are a few things that I want to learn and perfect.  I need to give those hobbies my time and my focus.  I have a bad habit of letting life and circumstances control me.  Lastly, I need to be present with my emotions and actions.  I need to stop saying “sorry” for things that are not my fault, just because it’s my default mode.  If I feel a certain way its ok for me to feel it.

I have no doubt this year is going to be hard for me emotionally.  Things are happening that are just…sad.  But I really hope there are highs too.  I’m praying that I can make my own happies.  🙂

Oh, and I also hope to blog more.  But that is neither here nor there.  Ha!

TODAY I LOVE: sunny days, coastal breeze in my hair, and the smell of the trees