It’s really easy to only write about happy things. I like writing about accomplishments. I get downright giddy sharing a life hack that helped me. It is not fun, however, exposing the underbelly of emotion. The emotions that bubble up and catch you unawares. The emotions that make you crawl into yourself and hide until it’s all better. Sadly, I’m not being a very authentic person if you only get the good side.
Yesterday was just rough. For the first time in 3 diligent months I just did NOT care about my macros. I did fine all day but by the time dinner rolled around I was in such a mood that pretty much said, “Screw it” and ate whatever I wanted. (Thankfully I don’t really keep much in my apartment.) I had cleaned my office earlier in the day and in doing so it brought up a lot of emotions and memories. Other than a few items, I hadn’t changed anything since the divorce. All in all, I was lonely and sad. And apparently ate my feelings (they taste like macaroni and cheese among other things.)
Afterwards I felt like such a failure. That is not a great place to be, nor is it at all healthy mentally. It was one day; one meal. Lucky for me, my best girl called me out on these unhealthy thoughts and brought me around. These days are going to happen. I’ve got to manage my emotions, anticipate how I need to handle things, and not revert to my old way of stress/emotion management. Life isn’t going to be easy and these moments are going to happen again. And that’s ok.
Today, my friend, is a new day. And that’s ok too.
TODAY I LOVE: opening a new tube of toothpaste (it’s evenly distributed!)
Since the divorce and all the stuff after, feelings and emotions all seem more…real. I don’t mean to say that when I was married I didn’t fully feel things; that’s not it. I think because I don’t necessarily have someone with me all the time to share in a feeling or emotion, I get the full force of it. Sometimes I wallow in it (most of the time.) I’ve had my fair share of pity parties and dance parties. The highs are high and the lows…well, they are really, really low. Why is it always easier to share the highs and celebrations with other people but when you’re down you seclude yourself away, thinking you can handle it on your own?
At any rate, this year one of my goals or wishes for myself was to put a concerted effort into finding something, even if it’s something small, to be happy for every day. It might be the tiniest things or it could be HUGE. Today will be day 85 of my happy streak.
This exercise has shown me so much. Some days I get to the end of the day and I think to myself, “I’ve had nothing to be happy about today. It’s been a total crap day.” When that happens I’ll force myself to a happier time, something that makes me all warm inside. Or I’ll start thinking much smaller; like being thankful or happy for the warm drink in my hand or the smile my best friend gave me that morning. It’s shown me I have so much TO be happy about. Not all days are great, sure, but I’ve got a huge well to draw from. It has put a halt to the extended pity parties and makes the highs last longer.
I’ll definitely be keeping up the happy streak. Maybe you should start one too!
Be happy, my friends.
TODAY I LOVE: gummy vitamins