Choosing joy.

 I’m gonna be candid.  It’s been a hell of a few days.  I know I go into a lot of things here but all the details that sent me off the deep end are going to remain in my secret journal not my public one.  When there are other people involved it gets tricky and I don’t want to cause more drama.  

At any rate,  I got the news at the end of last week that my ex-husband was engaged.  You wouldn’t think something like that would send me off the rails as we have been divorced for over a year now.  But it did.  It just made me so sad.  And, like I said, I’m going to leave a bunch of my thoughts and reasonings private, but hello sadness and depression.  And ugly thoughts of myself and self worth.  

I wallowed in it for a day and then out of the blue my mom called me and asked me if I wanted to go to the lake with her and my brother.  And completely out of character for me, I said yes.  I got up off the couch, put on my bikini, and hit the road.  An hour and 15 minutes later, I was on the water and soaking up the sun.  It was 95 degrees outside, the water temp was 86 degrees and PERFECT.   

My brother was his typical silly, fun-loving, people-person self.  He played “photographer” and held his own photoshoot with my phone (the picture above.). It was so stinking funny.  And you know what, I kind of value all those stupid pictures on my phone.  Because that is a genuine, free, and willing smile.  I was laughing so hard at that moment.  And I’m so thankful I have record of it to go back on. Even looking at it now it makes me smile.  I wasn’t thinking about my past life.   I wasn’t thinking about my current life.  I wasn’t thinking about all the things I have OR don’t have.  I wasn’t thinking about who loves me and who doesn’t.  I had JOY.  

So I’m going to keep staring at this photo and remembering to choose joy.  Because the rest of the crap that is lingering in my psyche is just literally just crap.  It’s jaded thoughts, it’s distorted memories, and it’s the past.  Choose.  Joy.  This is my reminder that I CAN set it all aside and be happy.  Happiness can creep up and overtake the crap.  This picture is evidence.  I’m so, so thankful for it.  So thankful.  

I’m not normally spontaneous, but this one little trip gave me a hard-shift to my perspective and thoughts. 

TODAY I LOVE:  pool floaties 

random friday silly things

We don’t need a heavy topic post today.  How about some things that have made me giggle over the last few days?

  • There are two pieces of clothing I’m wearing today that are cinched together with safety pins.  Losing weight has pros and cons.  So yes, my jacket is necessary to hide the pins.  (Before I found the safety pin my skirt was cinched tighter with a large binder clip.  lol)
  • This photo (borrowed from TinyAtlasQuarterly on instagram.)  The photo bomb makes me laugh EVERY SINGLE TIME:FullSizeRender 14
  • The Netflix show Grace and Frankie.  Ok, so some of it is pretty silly, but boy does it make me giggle.
  • This meme, which then makes me sing and dance to Milkshake.  (Borrowed from Hallow and Plank on instagram): FullSizeRender 15
  • This has been shared a million times, but it still makes me laugh.  Yes, I still watch it every time.   Everyday Makeup Tutorial.

 

TODAY I LOVE: that my headache is finally started to recede!