love – creating a queen

heartburn.

I changed my hair color this week. I needed change. I am obsessed with it. Red!

Hello all. I know I’ve been MIA the last several weeks and I’m sorry for that. Life has been happening.

Lots of life has been happening. Real life with hard emotions, big decisions, love, loss, and forging forward. And with all that stuff, I just needed to turn inward and work through it. I’m still working through it and that’s ok. At any rate, I don’t want to talk about it, but it all leads me to where I am this day.

The anxiety/stress/emotional drain of all the things made all my symptoms (acid, nausea, etc.) return. Therefore, as food as been constantly the same with no changes in 4 weeks, I think it is safe to say my issues are something else (not entirely food related.) So, although this extreme diet didn’t give me the results I was ultimately looking for (solving my health issues), it DID help me know that with that variable constant, it is something else in my body that is wrong.

I’ve slowly started adding some food back into the rotation. I cannot tell you how very wonderful that first cup of coffee tasted. Best cuppa ever. It does, however, give me heartburn. It has been fascinating adding food back in and monitoring what it does to me. For instance, either gluten OR sugar make my sinuses stuff right up and make it hard to breathe. I ate at cookie and within an hour my sinuses were swollen. WEIRD. I haven’t had another one to test it again.

My next steps on my health journey will be to get back in touch with my doctor and see what’s up. Ulcer? Overactive hiatal hernia? Yeah, I don’t know. I do know this: I have GOT to get my stress/anxiety under control and managed.

I added yoga into the mix this week. I’ve never really given yoga fair shake and I kinda feel bad about that. I found an app that has yoga “classes” and I’m hoping by adding this at the end of my day and focusing on the breathing and the mindset, it will help me mentally just as much as physically. I’m about as flexible as a concrete pole, so we shall see how this goes. 😀 I’ve been practicing this habit for a week now and I can definitely say it has helped me mentally. I do it right when I get home from work, consciously trying to let out the bad and in the good and LET. THINGS. GO.

Thanks for hanging with me. I still have the note “Not Today” taped to one of my computer monitors at work. I’ve been staring at it a lot this week, remembering why I put it there in the first place. Not Today. Not Today. Today I will not give into all the feelings that brought me to the bottom.

TODAY I LOVE: savasana (corpse pose in yoga)…I can do this one.
SONG OF THE DAY: “God Willing and the Creek Don’t Rise” by Ray LaMontagne and The Pariah Dogs

green grapes and gray water

This *might* end up being the most random post I’ve ever written. Then again, I write a lot of random stuff all the time so who knows. Hang on for the ride.

On Wednesday of last week I flew to California to visit my fella. First off, it was so, so great to see him. Even though I just saw him in April, it felt like forever. We spent the fourth of July in Napa, and OHMYGOSH. It is like heaven. The hills were green, the grapes were green and growing, and the wine was very red. There were flowers EVERYWHERE. Everything was bright and vibrant. We also went to Monterey so that I could see the sea otters at Monterey Bay Aquarium. We took a behind the scenes tour of the otter stuff and I just giggled like a five-year-old the whole time. It was pathetic but I was in love. I should have tried to stuff that baby otter into my bag. I KNOW George would love a friend. The rest of the time there we just hung out in each other’s company. And I might have loved that just as much.

The downside of last week was that I was/felt sick pretty much the entire time. And I’m still sick. Something is going on with my insides and I don’t know what it is. Gallbladder? Ucler? Hernia? Pretty much any time I eat, I’m crazy nauseous for forever. My diet change hasn’t really fixed it. So off to the doctor I go.

Sooooo right now I’m eating a lot of carbs. It seems to be the only thing that upsets me the least. And let me tell ya, when you already have body image issues and THEN you eat a lot of carbs…it’s not good. Just call me Sarah McBloaty. Sarah McBloaty likes to eat bread, pretzels, and crackers. She really hates skinny jeans and swimsuits. She’s a barrel of fun (when she doesn’t want to vomit.)

Back to real life. With no wineries and no sea otters and no boyfriend. But I still want to puke. So…I guess I didn’t leave everything in California. So far 2019 is The Year of Nausea. I started the year with the flu and it’s still goin..

TODAY I LOVE: peppermint
SONG OF THE DAY: “Hold You Now” by Vampire Weekend

random friday stuff: vol 4

Hiyo! Things have been way to depressing lately. All around. Let’s talk about all the things that are making me happy these days.

Downton Abbey. When it was on originally I never got past the finale of Season 3. No spoilers but it was DEVASTATING to me. So I stopped. I decided to pick it up again and get past that fateful episode. I want to start calling it luncheon instead of lunch. And I really want to wear their gowns.
Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. For my birthday last year my super awesome fella got me a Nintendo Switch and this game! First off, having never really owned a major gaming system, this thing is amazing. I love it. That should also tell you I’M TERRIBLE. But you guys it is so fun. This game is gorgeous. You can wander around as you please and explore. And if you are me, you die quite a lot. I’m glad I’ve been able to get into the game and even though I’m terrible I’m slowly learning.
Nayyirah Waheed. Her poetry is LIFE. I’m a bit obsessed with her lately and have wanted her book Salt but it is super hard to find.
New music from Leon Bridges and Ray LaMontagne. Oh, and I still can’t stop playing new music from Brandi Carlile and The Secret Sisters (both of whom are playing TOGETHER in Kansas City in June and I want to go so bad it hurts.)
Sea Otters. While I was in California with my guy a few weeks ago we went to Monterey, CA for a day. We had dinner at an awesome restaurant right on the bay. There was a sea otter swimming and hunting right there in the water next to us!! It was one of the most magical settings and lovely moments. I still think of it often.
Skin Care. To say that I’ve become obsessed with skin care and anti-aging would be the understatement of the year. I’m not sure when I turned the corner of not caring to completely obsessed, but I’m here. I’ve been using Drunk Elephant products exclusively for the last year now and they are FANTASTIC. However now I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole of K-Beauty and I’m going to add (what feels like) 20 more steps to my process. As I find things I love I’ll keep you posted. The constant quest to not look my age is a real thing.
Lastly…for a funny. My grandma celebrated her 80th birthday a few weeks ago. We had a little dinner party for her. This was me trying to drive all the balloons I purchased home (an hour and a half drive.) I really overshot what would fit in my car.

TODAY I LOVE: peanut butter (I really need to not buy it. It’s too good.)