20/20: perfect vision

Recently I heard the line, “know the difference between spectacular and significant.” It was said in the context of ourselves. How often do we look at others, in all their spectacular glory, and wish we were different? I don’t know about you, but for me, it’s a lot. I fail to recognize my own significance for the spectacular brilliance of others. Taking that little nugget of thought into account, it has shaped my goals for this coming year.

I write these posts every year and I’m usually good if I complete 50% of what I say I’m going to do. I don’t know if this year will be the same, but here are my hopes and wishes for the coming year:

  • Write more handwritten things. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as anti-paper as you can come. As the years go by the less I use the the penmanship Mrs. Miller in third grade worked so hard to instill in me. Also, as the years go on, the more I value receiving handwritten things. It takes time and it takes intentionality. I want to do that. I want to write more and let me people know I’m taking the time to speak to them.
  • Photography. I do say this one every year and every year I fail. I have great camera equipment and now I have the space to use it. I need to be better at documenting things I’m going to miss when they’re gone; my family.
  • Use the library more. And read. Diving into a world not my own brings me so much joy. I need to do it more.
  • Work / Life balance. I need to find it more than ever. This is probably this biggest one. I love my job, but I need to leave more of it in the office.
  • Journaling and devotionals. I’ve found a few that I’ve hand-picked to help me with my anxiety and faith. It’s my prayer they will be the umbrella above my life and help me with all the things I’d like to achieve.
  • Be authentic in my relationships. I’m starting the year in a new romantic relationship and it’s new and it’s fresh and it’s exciting. It’s my hope that I can continue to be ME, the real me, for as long as it may last. I can’t lose who I am. And if I choose the right people, I won’t have to.
  • Being a musician again. Oh how I miss this. All through high school and college music was my job but also my outlet; my place to express. I’ve found my instruments, I’ve ordered a new metronome and method book…I’m ready to get my playing chops back. If I get good enough, maybe I’ll join the community band. Watch out, SGF. I was pretty good back in the day.

Alright. I have one more and it’s a biggie. This is more of a dream goal, one that I won’t get accomplished in 2020, but needs to get started in 2020. It’s going to take a lot of time and a lot of money (that I don’t have) but I’m going to throw this out here. As you all know, I’ve been really enjoying yoga this last quarter of the year. It’s one thing I can do, even with a bad eye, and it’s brought me so much mental silence and peace. I want to be better. I want to get certified in it. And maybe someday…teach it. GASP. I’m trying not to tear myself down for even saying it out loud, because there are about 1,000 reasons why it probably wouldn’t work anyway. But despite those 1,000 reasons I’m still thinking about it. It’s a goal that I’m willing to work towards.

So. This is me. This is the me that is going into 2020 with open eyes. (Hopefully eyes that will get 20/20 vision back.) 🙂

Happy New Year, my friends. Let’s do this.

TODAY I LOVE: fragrant hot tea

SONG OF THE DAY: “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer

self-portraits & sushi

I’ve been putting this post off.  To be honest, based on my mood right now I probably shouldn’t be writing it either, but oh well.  You’re getting a very honest and real Sarah today, folks.  Hold onto your butts.

A little over a month ago I wrote a blog post about my goals for the next 30-days.  I’m afraid to tell you I was unsuccessful with almost all of them.  I was 100% on my macros and I followed my lifting program.  But everything else?  Nada.  My weight didn’t move even an inch.  After a year of success, followed by 30 days of diet and exercise compliance that resulted in NOTHING…yeah, kinda depressing.

Now, we’re changing up some things and the next two weeks in particular will be a very, very hard reset.  Everything about me is out of whack and I’m not really sure why.  So yes, there is a plan in place and we’ll figure this out.  I will not feel this way forever.  That is the only positive thing coming out of this blog post.

I’ve been taking this photography class in my free time.  I’ve got several road trips on the docket for this year and I want to be on the top of my game remembering the gorgeous things I’m going to get to see and experience.  One of the exercises I’m asked to complete in this class is daily self-portraits.  No, I’m not talking about selfies.  Ok, I guess they are sort of selfies but a lot more difficult to grab.  I took my self-portraits today and decided to get a lot more of my body and not just my face.  Let me give you a word of advice.  When you’re already feeling REALLY down about your appearance, DON’T DO A SELF-PORTRAIT.

Despite how I’m sure this entire post is coming across, this is not a pity or a woe is me post.  I’m just…down.  I’ve had lots of ups.  I’ve had so many ups that it’s hard to talk to you from the valley of the down.

Professionally I was brilliant this week.  I turned my introvert switch off; I sparkled and shined and glowed in my role.  It was very, very…up.  And now I am not.

So tonight I’m watching old Grey’s Anatomy and eating sushi I bought at the grocery store earlier today.   Earlier today I updated apps on my computer and I cleaned out the cabinet in my office.  Maybe I’ll start a new book before bed.  These are all happy things.  So maybe I’m ending this post better than how it started.  🙂

TODAY I LOVE: the smell of grapefruit essential oils being diffused