Climbing again

It is Friday night and I’m sitting here on my sofa, having a cup of sleepy tea, and watching Grace & Frankie (again) on the TV. (Side note: I’m SO excited for Season 4 which comes out next week.) ANYWAY. I got off work this afternoon and came home and deep cleaned my living room. I tore down the Christmas tree and all the decorations. I moved all the furniture and vacuumed. I bought a lamp (also random.) All that to say, I’m super content in this spot, right this second. Which puts me in a good place to talk about something that I’m not happy about: my fitness.

A week before Christmas I messed up my back. It was AWFUL. I’m too embarrassed to say what I did, but it was a dumb thing and I’ve LEARNED MY LESSON. ANYWAY. I couldn’t bend my spine at all. I couldn’t even sit. I could only lay flat or be in terrible pain. So needless to say my workouts were not fabulous. And then I went home to my family for Christmas. And then I went to California for 2 weeks to be with my fella. My butt has not been in a gym for 3 WEEKS. It’s embarrassing. And I didn’t follow my macros over the holidays either. I wasn’t terrible, but I wasn’t perfect.

Confession: I’m absolutely terrified to step on the scale. (I’m not stepping on the scale until Monday morning, but still.).

I feel bloated and chunky and lumpy and likely 10 pounds heavier.

So that’s the bad news.

The good news? I can fix it. I can fix all of it. You know why? Because last year I learned how. I can’t tell you how much that reassures me that this is all going to be fine. This year when I’m looking at my fitness and health journey it is totally different than last year. It’s kind of like carving an ice sculpture. When you get started you have to take off a whole bunch of the bulk before you can even start to shape what you’re really trying to carve. 2017 was getting rid of the excess for me. In 2018 I get to sculpt something fantastic. Isn’t that wonderful!?

I admit, I don’t like that it feels I’m starting this year behind. But you know what? I had a great Christmas and New Years and California dreams. The rest let my back heal. I just…lived for a while. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything. Even if it does feel like I’m starting in a deficit. Whatever I’ve gained will come back off. I’ve proven I can do it.

So with that said…tomorrow I go back to the gym with my best girl. Good things to come.

TODAY I LOVE: my Filimin lantern

gasp! we are all broken in some way.

Don’t let anyone fool you, especially those pretty put-together instagram folks, no one is perfect.  It’s so very simple to take photos or share the one tiny corner of your life that is clean, tidy, skinny, modern, detailed, polished, or beautified while ignoring the other 98% that is “normal.”  (I cannot tell you how long we discussed “what is normal and who decides it?” in my abnormal psych class in college.)  Anyway, today’s post is a raw one.  A real one.

So, if you’ve been keeping up with me at all over the last several months, you know I’m working hard on my fitness journey to lose weight, gain confidence, and be fit.  I’ve made so many great strides.  When I’m having a good mental day, I feel really good about myself.  But then I have those days where I don’t.  Those days where all I see are lumps and bumps, stretch marks, bruises, and just how much further I have to go in my journey.

Those days it’s hard to remember how far I’ve come.  It’s hard to remember that I’m not the only person out there who isn’t perfect.  I posted a “progress” photo the other day on instagram and while most people have been simply wonderful it’s hard to deal with some of the things others have said.  Things I’ve heard:

  • Um, whoa.  I had no idea you looked like that.
  • It’s taken you 7 months?
  • I mean…look at your arm!
  • Still losing that weight?  Lookin’ better.

First of all, yes, I was a lot larger and unhappy with myself when I started.  That’s a known fact to me.  Why do you think I wanted to change?  But some people, when they say these things, it’s not in the “nice criticism” way.  It’s more of the “wow, I had no idea you were so gross and why did it take you so long to get to now.” (Before you yell at me for getting upset over criticism over a photo I willingly put out into the world – don’t.  I opened myself up to it.)  I’m certainly strong enough to smile away the negativity if it were to give someone else out there hope.

Anyway, it is just one of those days where I’m focusing on remembering why I do this.  That not everything I see is perfect for everyone else either.  I could tidy up one corner of my apartment and make it look magazine amazing, but that doesn’t mean the rest of the place looks like a tornado went through it.  Those beautiful people on instagram likely aren’t so polished and lump-free all the time either.

Unbroken people are a rare find.  And I’m ok.  I’m perfectly normal and perfectly me.

TODAY I LOVE:  garden fresh tomatoes

Month 3 Update

If you follow me on twitter or instagram then you’ve already read these results, but it’s worth elaborating.  April was a challenge for me.

This past Saturday marked exactly 3 months to the day I began this new fitness journey.  In those 3 months I’ve lost 16.5 pounds and a total (whole body cumulative) of 21 inches. It’s un-freaking-believable.  If you’re just looking at total number of pounds, it’s really not that much over this length of time.  Back in the day when I would calorie restrict and go nutso on cardio I’d drop weight a lot faster.  But, as I’ve said all along, I’m trying to do it right this time.  Long term.  Lifestyle change.  No more yo-yo.

I really can’t get over the inches.  Yes, even that has slowed down this last month, but it’s still changing.  Muscle is my new drug.  And it is very addicting.

Admittedly, April was hard for me.  I had some traveling and I kinda put myself in cruise control far too many days.  I’ve set some attainable goals for May and I’m kind of excited to see what changes they bring in my 4-month update.  I’m ready to push myself again and be one step closer to that sexy summer confident body.

I’m ready to get stronger physically, mentally, and most of all emotionally.  Even as I write these great numbers I’m really struggling emotionally with some nasties right now.  I’m ready to work those things out too.

Work in progress is a good thing, on all fronts.  Who knows what the finished product will be?!

TODAY I LOVE: 80’s movie ballads (yep, singing at the top of my lungs)