If you’ve followed me for very long at all, I write a lot about my weight, exercise, diet, etc.  I like these things.  I like seeing progress and I hate admitting failure.  However, like two sides to any coin you’re always going to have them both.  Last year it was success upon success in my weight-loss and fitness journey.  This year is a different story.

Life has happened to me in a big way this year.  I was depressed for quite a long time and stressed even longer.  Even so, I did the very best I could with my macro guidelines and I exercised way more than not.  Still…no change.  We’ve lowered calories, changed macros, changed again, added and added and added cardio…no change.  I haven’t gained it all back, but I’ve gained this year.  Many of my wins last year have been overturned.  It’s hard not to say, “Sarah, if you just cut your calories more, you have to lost weight.”  Um, yeah, no.  I’ve done that.  I can’t really cut anymore or my body will definitely freak out.

To say that it is defeating is the most gigantic understatement you can utter.  I’m leaving for vacation in a few short weeks and this is NOT the shape I wanted to be in for it.  My poor roommate has had to deal with my meltdowns this week especially as I’m trying to buy a dress for a wedding and purchase clothes for the beach.

WHY JUST WHY.

And sadly, the long and the short of it is this…we don’t know.  Maybe my body is tired of dieting.  Maybe my body has some weird hormone things (hello STRESS) that are hijacking all the good things I’m doing.  Maybe I just need a reset and a change.  Maybe I need rest.  Who the hell knows.

So.  Really real reality.  I’m staring at my beach vacation straight in the eye.  I’m many pounds heavier than I planned.  In my mind it is kind of like one of those old outside-the-OK-corral standoffs.  Wyatt Earp staring down his opponent (before he went crazy – important fact.)  Am I going to let my perception of how I needed to be ruin my vacation?    As much as it is a struggle to say – no.  I’m not going to let it win.

I’m me.  Despite the outside package and wrappings, I’m quite awesome.   I can lift very heavy things and put them back down.  I have great hair.  My skincare routine is longer than some people’s showers and I love it.   I can spout random music facts on a whim.  I have a really awesome cat.  The older I get I’m finding joy in being myself and surprising people who expect something different.  I smile a lot and I like to make other people smile too.  My fella loves me.  I’m going to PARADISE.

When I wrap my head around all those great things, how can I let a stubborn body beat me?  It is all in my PERCEPTION of me.  And the great thing is…I can work on changing that.  It might not change how my clothes fit or the number on the scale, but if I can find happiness in my happies until the tide turns, the coin flips, or my body decides to listen, well, that’s a big win.  I’ll dip back into my college days, and all those psychology/counseling classes:  I’m taking a mental picture and I’m reframing it so I see it differently.

If you’re in the same spot I am…take stock and reframe the shot.  It is a by-the-minute battle, but if I can do it then you can too.

TODAY I LOVE: Peach & Lily.  I should just sign my paycheck over.