the calm and the storm

Flying over a thunderstorm outside of Dallas this past October

I think I’ve stared at the “Add title” part of this post for a good 20 minutes. I just finished writing a very mopey post about memories and pain. It’s still in my drafts but I’ll probably never post it. I’m sure everyone is tired of me mulling over my divorce and the never-ending tentacles of it’s reach in my life. It still just amazes me how I can go from moments of pure joy and happiness to watching one video of a concert we attended and I’m zapped back into sadness. It has to stop hurting at some point, right?

Anyway, I really just wanted to update you on my goals and such. I’m entering week 3. I can say without hesitation…it’s been hard. I’ve pushed myself in workouts (which is a good thing) and it’s made me so sore. Week 1 of my “diet” was hard but I was 100% perfect. Well…I fell off the wagon hard this weekend. I had cravings that I haven’t been able get rid of so I indulged them. The scale scolded me HARD this morning, but it was necessary. I’m in a much better place today. Overall I have lost and not gained any weight. I wish it was more, but this is for the long-haul, not in the day-to-day ups and downs.

Little wins and little falls…it is life and going to happen. It’s how I even out and recover that matters. It is not letting my “little fall” take me all the way to “I don’t care anymore.” And guess what? I still care. A lot. All of this matters.

So if you’ve had a weekend like I have, where you’ve celebrated birthdays and you’ve enjoyed some things outside of your norm…find your way back. And remember your “why.”

Now. I’m going to go watch something that makes me happy and not sad home videos on my phone.

TODAY I LOVE: Milk Makeup Kush Lip Balm

SONG OF THE DAY: “Girl” by Maren Morris

really moving on

You guys, I really debated if I was going to post this one or not.  It’s likely too personal, too raw, and too real.  (It’s been sitting in my drafts for days and days.)  But you know what?  I decided to hit publish.  Because like I said several posts ago, not every day is bright and shiny.  Some days are hamburger meat: raw, smelly, and squishy.

This past week I found out my ex-husband has been in a relationship for quite some time now.  First things first, let me get this out of the way and be very clear about it: I’m happy for him.  I’m in a relationship with someone too, so none of what I’m saying should be clouded or construed incorrectly under the guise that I’m bitter.  That is so, so, so not the point of this.

I’ve honestly been hoping and praying for quite some time that the right gal would come along for him.  We had our problems in our marriage (obviously, or we wouldn’t be divorced) but he’s a great guy and he deserves to be happy.  It’s just…the reality of actually seeing him with someone else…it’s just weird.  I don’t think you can be with someone, love someone, for 17 years of your life and it not feel strange.  It’s not something your emotions are conditioned to understand at first.  It’s would be like me seeing the same blue sky for years, but then all of the sudden waking up and looking outside and it’s orange.  lol.  It takes some getting used to.  It’s…finality.  I’m sure I’ve made a mess of explaining this, but it sure does feel good to let it out.  That doesn’t stop the slight sting that I feel of finally knowing I’ve been replaced, but at least I know it’s with a good girl.

At any rate, I am really glad that we’ve both moved on and are repairing the damage that we caused each other.  It really does make my heart happy, and I mean that sincerely, that he appears to be happy.  He and I talk a bit, but we haven’t talked about this.  In some ways I’m thankful.  We still care about each other and maybe tiptoe around some stuff so the other doesn’t get hurt.  I appreciate that.

So…how do you wrap up something like this?  🙂 Life moves on and things are definitely changing.  And as I like to say, that’s ok too.

And guess what?!  I actually did the RIGHT thing this time.  I didn’t eat my feelings!  No stress eating macaroni and cheese and pizza and cake for me!

TODAY I LOVE: feeling sunshine on my face